Forever Young!

So today I was having my hair done by the best hairstylist around, and she gave me a wonderful compliment on Ricci. She was saying how adorable he is and that his little smirk reminds her of, "Peter Pan." I was instantly so excited ----she gets him! His smirk, his laugh, his hugs, and his play are all "Peter Pan!" I thanked her and told her how Ricci was actually Peter Pan for his two year old Halloween. (my favorite of his costumes ) Our conversation then moved on to Tinkerbell costumes, but for a brief moment I had a quick meditation on Ricci and how he is a great deal like Peter Pan.

Peter Pan by Barrie, and Alice and Wonderland by Lewis Carroll are my two favorite children's stories, so Peter Pan I welcome. Barrie does a perfect job with Peter Pan as he captures the elements of Pan the mythical character close to nature. A "noble beast," of sorts. The children are drawn to Peter Pan, but just like Pan the mythical character, and nature itself, Peter Pan is unstable, and unpredictable. Peter Pan is affectionate, impish, and exciting, while also making the reader uncomfortable. He does not want to grow older, and this clinging to one's youth is fun, but at the same time, "unnatural." It challenges our expectations.

So, yes, Ricci is quite Peter Pan- esque. He is unpredictable, and seizes each moment as he sees fit. Trips to a park in a knight costume, absolutely!

He told me two days ago that he did not want to grow up. I believe him. Sure we all think about it, we all want to play forever,( some do) but at what cost?

A few weeks ago, Ricci spent the whole day in preschool and I asked his teacher how he did. She said, " The same. He has a hard time focusing. He doesn't want to sit still. But, he's young." I realized she didn't mean chronologically, she meant emotionally.

Ricci fights hard to cling to his toddler days, his heels dug in hard at potty training time. He still wants to sleep with us every night, and honestly, I know deep down, he is a little younger than his chronological age. He is four, and on some days he is completely four, but there are many days where he is about three and a half. In his assessment they told placed him at about a 6 to 9 month delay socially and emotionally.

Yet, after many frustrating days, Ricci has many friends at school again; he draws people in. He entertains; as he is light and life at full force. My little boy told me he does not want to get bigger and go to Kindergarten. He likes life how it is. I don't really blame him, and there are so many moments where I wish time would stand still.

Today Ricci sat on my lap and we were swinging. He leaned his head against me and said, "Momma, let's sleep." In that moment I wished I could stop the clock, and enjoy my little boy dressed in his knight costume on the park swing-- it was a perfect moment ( In spite of the looks I got for being a six foot amazon mom with a little boy in a knight costume on my lap on the swing).

I look at that sweet kind face, and I want to hold onto him forever. I would love to keep him young forever, but I know that he needs to grow up; to do what is natural. So I push him towards the future ever so carefully onto a path which will allow him to "grow up," at a comfortable pace.