"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans"- John Lennon

Yes, Kindergarten is coming, ready or not! So, Ricci is turning five in ummm.... 20 days! I cannot believe this! Recently I was at our old house taking pictures out and belongings to my new apartment, and I just could not help reflecting. Many new things are happening and Ricci's and my lives are completely different now than they were this time last year!

Last year we went to Kona as a family, and I felt as I approached Graduate School that as a family we were moving in a direction where we would give our son so much...

So as I packed things away and sorted through the past 12 years of my life, I found baby pictures, where Ricci's dad and I were giddy in love with our little cherub and just so silly happy (maybe it was sleep deprivation, who knows) and I think, "what happened?!" Of course I know what happened; life. Things change in a heartbeat, we all know it, movies are made about it, but we never dream life will happen to us... John Lennon did say in "Beautiful Boy," for his son (mine and Ricci's song :) ), "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans..." and I guess that as I was planning to give Ricci the world, life happened, and now I can only give him my heart...
Last week Ricci walked out of school, that' s right walked downstairs, opened the doors, and walked out to the parking lot.... ALONE! Terrifying, um YES! So kindergarten seems scary.... OF COURSE! Right now Ricci is sleeping on my bed, he came in here talking in his sleep, and climbed on my bed as I typed and he fell asleep again. I look at his sweet face, his perfect little heart shaped lips, with his blond eyebrows, and loooooong lashes, and I think, "How can I protect you, (seriously) how?!!!!" And Alone!!!?

I remember praying and begging God to give me a child, and when I was finally pregnant, begging God to let me stay pregnant and to let Ricci's dad and me keep this amazing little soul, I even promised not to ask for anymore! As he grew in infancy I worried about keeping him safe every second until my mom finally told me that I would wake up and realize I was not enjoying his infancy because I spent it worrying, and it would pass me by... so I eased up little by little.

Now, I just want to hold onto him, and freeze time and keep him with me! (It's a little like Robert Munsch's book, "I'll Love you Forever," where the mom sneaks into the son's room over the years and rocks him back and forth and back and forth (even as an adult she seriously drives across town... kinda gets weird, honestly) and sings, "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Of course we all feel this way about our children... and as he grows I think will I ever stop wanting to hold him and protect him? (Let's hope so because that could get awkward in adolescence.)

Next year he won't be with me at school anymore, and for the first time in his life we will be apart! I wonder who needs who? Do I need to protect him, or does he need protecting!? Honestly, he needs the freedom to learn and discover in a new setting away from mom completely, but will the new teachers love him like my co-workers always have, will they know to watch him sooo close!? Will he drive them crazy and will he then hate school!? I have been spoiled! I share custody with his dad but see him everyday because he attends my school... who else gets that lucky in a divorce!? I see each day how his day goes, and can observe his progress.

So, now I have to learn to let go... at least I know he has the IEP, and the resource specialist plans to meet with him daily!!! He will also go to an OT once a week! The plans are in order, but this is life and who knows how school will go...

Thus, a new journey begins for Ricci, and for his momma! I have to realize that my son is his own person, and I can try to help guide him, but cannot control his path... (deep sigh) So as I sit here typing and daydreaming about our new path, and the kind of person Ricci will be... I again have to learn to cherish the small moments, slow down, enjoy the discomfort and beauty in our lives and understand that life is happening right now, and the plans I have for my son are just plans... So I ask God to watch over my son, and give me the strength to be patient.