Challenged and Blessed in Ricci's World

Okay, so many of us have thought about parts of our childhood and thought, " I will never be like my parents..." I will never scream, or freak out, or get frustrated, right? WRONG! I decided recently that I am unsure who I am on many occasions. I have worked in Child Development for kind of awhile, and I know many tools, but there are times when working with my son, I flex my muscles and still feel as though I cannot find the best solution.

Danger is apparently my son's middle name. He thinks that doors are meant to be open, and not figuratively, oh NO, quite literally. So at our new school, he sometimes likes to follow the occasional parent downstairs, or simply leave the playground and go into the classroom while the children are playing outside. The teachers and I have made every effort to convey to Ricci that this is simply NOT SAFE. He has other intentions. Again, I look for the "good idea." I explain that while he may want to go inside and play with something in the classroom, that while we are all outside, he cannot leave.Finally, after redirecting, and explaining, the consequence is the dreaded "Time Out." I hate the "time out." I much prefer to send him after another adventure, but safety is an area of great concern for us.

Today Ricci's teacher informed me like many have, that he seems to have a hard time listening, even when they know he can hear them. Is he just obstinant, or is it part of the whole processing issue. We have made little headway in his group as his teacher has many of the same issues and she too feels challenged by Mr. "I don't want to..."

We have about four more weeks of the group class and around 5 weeks with the OT, so hopefully more will happen in that time. Right now I see a little boy so eager to experience his world, and sometimes he is soo eager, that others shy away from his zeal. This as a mother and teacher is hard to watch. As a teacher I often silently cheer on the "underdog." As a mother it breaks my heart to see children tell my son that they do not want to play with him. Or watch others remark to their friends, "Let's get out of here," and leave my little boy alone.

Last week, I watched as he went and say under the structure, all alone. Somehow he had alienated himself. The hard part is that I know the other side of him. The side that had so many friends. He was the life of his class, and he had many friends. Many of them left for Kindergarten, and so we felt that the transition would be okay, as his friends would not be there this year. But coming into a class where the cliques are already established (yes, even in Pre-K) and children know each other from last year and maybe even the year before, it is hard for a boundary pusher like my son to simply fit in.

Conformity. One of Ricci's teachers reminded me about this word. She mentioned that her son was also in need of some additional assistance, and he she mentioned had to work to conform, and each year a little bit more.

To me that seems so AWFUL. I see this huge shining spirit, and even in my darkest, most frustrated moments, there is a window of light where I see who Ricci truly is and how I must support this light and help him grow. Tools for success, "H" yes, but conformity, well, maybe just enough to where he can work with others. Every mother wants to feel that their child will be valued and loved by others. I too want this, but I want this for Ricci as Ricci. He needs to find value in himself, and to learn to reveal that side of himself. I get to see the little boy who on weekends helps me dances and sings while we make breakfast and dance to "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson, and sings "Ghost Town," by The Specials and moves his head perfectly to the music. This little boy rejected by his classmates right now, gives me so much love. I cherish my time in Ricci's world! I am blessed even when I'm challenged!